One-armed Freddy's internet website

Full of magic, fun and swearing

Olimpics is for benders

Before the long awaited end of the Mayan civilisation, 2012 is first going to jizz the spectacle of the Modern Olympic Games into our faces. And this time it’s in BLOODY LONDON!

This is exciting because London is where we all live. Well, I don’t. And you possibly don’t either. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be excited at the prospect of this international sports day.

With the Olympics comes a lot of ridiculous abuses of power and attempts to control behaviour. Not for nefarious purposes (unless you bloody love chips), but mostly to ensure multi-million dollar enterprises such as McDonald’s or Coca-Cola aren’t exposed for the twatbastards they undoubtedly are.

I was recently directed to this post on the free speech blog which highlights the Olympics organisers’ attempts to control how people link to their website. That’s right, how people link to the Olympics website from their own sites.

In particular:

You may create your own link to the Site, provided that your link is in a text-only format. You may not use any link to the Site as a method of creating an unauthorised association between an organisation, business, goods or services and London 2012, and agree that no such link shall portray us or any other official London 2012 organisations (or our or their activities, products or services) in a false, misleading, derogatory or otherwise objectionable manner. The use of our logo or any other Olympic or London 2012 Mark(s) as a link to the Site is not permitted.

Well I say EFF THAT and EFF YOU, LONDON 2012. I ain’t gonna play by your rules!

olimpics is for benders

How do you like them apples?

Game Saves

GamingLives is an internet website where they publish things that actual, real people have written about video games. Even idiots like me!

Game Saves by Graham

Imagine if Real Life™ had a ‘Save’ button; that would be brilliant. You could hit ‘Save’, punch your boss in the jaw and reload. All the satisfaction, none of the gross misconduct hearings. Or you could load the save from just before you had your first ever Jaffa Cake and relive that wonderful experience.

Go and read my words and have a look around the rest of the site. It’s excellent and there are some cool people on there. FACT.

Ketchup perverts

I like the Twitter. It’s brilliant. It took me a long time to “get” it, but I’m glad I finally did.

Last night I had a breakdown and shouted at people about how ketchup belongs in the cupboard and anyone putting it in the fridge is a pervert. Lots of people humoured me and joined in, and it kept me amused all evening.

I have collated all the Tweets, mainly because I think Storify is brilliant and wanted to use it again. I have learned my lesson and will not attempt to embed it – instead, here’s a link.

Link!

If you don’t already follow me on the Twitter, please do so here. We’ll be best friends.

Tunadrugs – the Heist

Today my hetero life partner Bobaloba and I done lots of Tweets about how I stole a Securicor van. It is the fifth funniest thing on the entire interwebs and I put all of the Tweets together in a Storify thing. (Storify, incidentally, is well good and I intend to use it again.)

In the inevitable film adaptation we foresee Vin Diesel and The Rock playing me and Bobaloba respectively. The Polish gangsters will be played by Shawn and Marlon Wayans and DJ Qualls and the Polish gang leader by Liam Neeson. Any studio executives reading this can contact me on the Twitter.

If it works, I have embedded the Storify thing here:

No, that doesn’t seem to have worked at all. Just use this link. Stupid interwebs.

Brilliant Internet people

Hello, me again.

I have recently become aware of some people on the Internet who I think are excellent. The first is a man called James Ward. I don’t know who he is. He may be a comedian or a writer or he may work in Waterstones. It doesn’t matter. He is my new favourite.

He is on the Twitter which is where I first encountered him having a conversation with radio presenter Geoff Lloyd. It was an excellent conversation about how Geoff had died. I liked the cut of this man’s gib, so I followed him and in doing so, navigated to his blog.

http://iamjamesward.wordpress.com/

It is wonderful. It is all about boring things and, quite often, posters he has seen. I thoroughly recommend reading all of it – I’m now back to November 2010. The thought process and over-analytical approach to the mundane is very similar to how my mind works, except that Mr James Ward writes down his thought process for idiots like me to read.

I told him that I liked it on the Twitter. I’m not just saying this, have evidence:

As I am incapable of original thought, I daresay I shall be drawing inspiration from his blog whilst hopefully stopping slightly short of copying his style outright.

Anyway, I don’t really have any more to say about James Ward, just go and follow him on the Twitter and read his blog.

The next thing I found which is wonderful was actually via James Ward. I know, I’m like a fucking stalker or something.

http://sneezecount.joyfeed.com/

This is a blog by a man called Peter Fletcher, in which he logs all of his sneezes. Highlights include:

two thousand, eight hundred and thirty-eight

15th January 2012 1:14 pm

Car, outside house

Moderate

“They’ve had four bizarre wins…”

and

two thousand, four hundred and twenty-eight

26th March 2011 11:42 am

Dining room

Strong

Trying to draw a graph (ellipse) in Mathcad

and

three hundred and thirty

8th January 2008 8:25 pm

Office / spare bedroom

Moderate to strong

Checking bank balances

This is a level of obsession which one can only admire. One day I hope to start a project of this calibre. I have given genuine consideration to starting a Flickr photoblog of my poos. The Cons currently outweigh the Pros: 

Pros Cons
It would amuse and occupy me I would need a Flickr Pro account to upload more than 200 photos
It is fucking disgusting

Anyway, I think that’s all I have to say about Sneezecount as well. Bye.

Stop! Bible time!

Back in two thousand plus five I found out that old parachute pants himself, MC Hammer is now an evangelist. So I made a little webpage:

Stop! Bible Time!

Click here for the Stop! Bible Time! web page

Just like every other project I ever start I got bored of it and gave up after the first post. But I found it again today and it raised a smile.

I’m trying to find my old Freddy’s Lair site. It’s on a CD somewhere. I’ll put it up here when I do.

Keep fly, homies.

Linkies

Dear Graham,

Please can you fix it for me to see some links to websites of people you know?

Yours sincerely,

[insert humorous name here]

I certainly can. Here they are:

Bobaloba

My good buddy Bobaloba (AKA Rob to the Mason) have got website. He write ting. Have look, innit.

Kitsch Bits

My wife makes jewellery and sells it on the interwebs. Have a look at her site and buy some items.

Spad

Who Spad? Him Spad. Him have website too. Joy!

That’s all for now, I’ll make a proper page at some point and add a few more. Peace out.