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Regular Features

Many years ago I used to read words written by a man called Log into a website called Disappointment. It was funny and I liked it. You should read it, you’ll like it too, unless you’re a dick. You’re not a dick are you?

I recently discovered that Log is on the Twitter. I followed him to see what funny things he might have to say and discovered that he and some other gentlemen record a podcast called Regular Features.

It is one of the funniest things I have ever heard with my ears. I came into it around episode 34 then worked my way backwards through the rest. It took a couple of weeks during which time I laughed out loud in Tesco, on the train and at work, and was looked at as if I were a sex offender.

I liked it so much that I left a 5 star review on the iTunes. This is what I wrote:

I was listening to this podcast in the bath and it was funny and made my willy go all big, but my mother saw and said “argh! Dirty boy!” and swung at it with the long handled scrubbing brush, but she missed and hit my left nut and it bloody hurt, then she refused to finish bathing me and I had to do it myself and I didn’t wash properly in the downstairs department and got an horrific fungal infection around my C & Bs.

When I went to the Doctor I recounted this tale and he said “rubbish, no podcast could be that funny” so I played it to him and he laughed and both of our willies went all big, but the surgery was having an inspection that day and the man from the Ministry of Health saw us standing there giggling with our giant bonk-ons and wrote an unfavourable report and Doctor Piddleton got struck off and committed suicide by smothering himself under a bouncy castle at the Church fete.

It was on the local news, they didn’t mention Regular Features by name though. Shame really, it would have been good publicity.

The “Steve” character is my favourite. Then the Welsh.

La Bamba en Inglés

The Bamba

I like the song “La Bamba” (Eng. “the Bamba”*) by “Ritchie Valens” (Eng. “Ritchie Valens”), but it’s difficult to sing along due to the Spanish nature of the words. I wondered what the lyrics meant when translated into English and found them on an Internet.

Here they are:

In order to dance La Bamba
In order to dance La Bamba a little bit of grace is needed
A little bit of grace and something else
Ah! Up and up
And up and up and up I’ll go

I’m not a sailor
I’m not a sailor but I’ll become one for you
I’ll become one for you, I’ll become one for you

Bamba, bamba, bamba, bamba
Bamba, bamba
Bamba

In order to dance La Bamba
In order to dance La Bamba one needs a little bit of grace
A little bit of grace and something else
Ah! Up and up
And up and up and up I’ll go

I’m not a sailor
I’m not a sailor, I’m a captain
I’m a captain, I’m a captain

Bamba, bamba
Bamba, bamba
Bamba, bamba
Bamba, bamba

I’m not a sailor
I’m not a sailor
I’m a captain, I’m a captain, I’m a captain

Bamba, bamba,
Bamba, bamba
Bamba, bamba
Bamba

In order to go up and reach the sky
In order to go up and reach the sky
A long ladder is needed
A long ladder and a short ladder

Bamba, bamba
Bamba, bamba
Bamba, bamba
Bamba, bamba

I’m not a sailor
I’m not a sailor
I’m a captain, I’m a captain, I’m a captain

Bamba, bamba,
Bamba, bamba
Bamba, bamba
Bamba

* “Bamba” doesn’t have an Inglés translation. It’s just a name for a dance, like Macarena or YMCA.

Going Out On The Razz, Innit

I don’t go out drinking very much any more. It’s expensive and I get mardy and have a shit time.

But I’m going out tonight! Yeeeeeeaaaahhhhh!

I have a “Going Out On The Razz, Innit” playlist on the Spotify. It’s full awesome. This is the tracklist:

1 R. Kelly Ignition Remix
2 Sham 69 Hurry Up Harry
3 Queen Don’t Stop Me Now
4 Propellerheads Bang On!
5 Terrorvision Tequila
6 Arctic Monkeys I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor
7 P!nk Get The Party Started
8 Darude Sandstorm
9 Hard-Fi Cash Machine
10 Bloc Party The Prayer
11 Little Man Tate House Party At Boothy’s
12 Blur Girls And Boys
13 Pendulum Propane Nightmare
14 The Cure Friday I’m In Love
15 The Fratellis Chelsea Dagger
16 Reef Place Your Hands
Going Out On The Razz, Innit - Listen in Spotify

Listen in Spotify

You’re welcome.

What’s crackerlackin’ yo?

Around this time of year you’ll be hearing the inevitable, tedious “what’s the best Christmas song?” debates. (It’s Fairytale of New York anyway, so there’s little point in discussing further.)

But what you won’t hear is the “what’s the best Christmas hip-hop album?” debate. Because there is no debate. Because it’s Christmas in tha Dogghouse presented by Snoop Dogg.

Snoop Dogg

Snoop Dogg at Christmas

It’s a lovely, festive treat of guns, bitches and bling. It manages to be simultaneously the best and worst album ever released.

Have a listen. Christmas in the Hood is my favourite, followed by Twas the Night Before Xmas.

Listen in Spotify

Listen in Spotify

Merry Christmas, bitches.

Podcasts I like

I listen to some podcasts. I thought I’d tell you which ones because I’m nice, like.

Iain Lee on Absolute Radio

Iain Lee on Absolute Radio

Iain Lee is sadly no longer on the radio, but you can still get podcasts of his manic phone-in show (technical term.)

Being a late night show, there are a lot of nutters. For years it was the best thing on the radio, Iain Lee is a master of his craft. Well worth a listen.

iTunes link / non-iTunes link / archives

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