One-armed Freddy's internet website

Full of magic, fun and swearing

Olimpics is for benders

Before the long awaited end of the Mayan civilisation, 2012 is first going to jizz the spectacle of the Modern Olympic Games into our faces. And this time it’s in BLOODY LONDON!

This is exciting because London is where we all live. Well, I don’t. And you possibly don’t either. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be excited at the prospect of this international sports day.

With the Olympics comes a lot of ridiculous abuses of power and attempts to control behaviour. Not for nefarious purposes (unless you bloody love chips), but mostly to ensure multi-million dollar enterprises such as McDonald’s or Coca-Cola aren’t exposed for the twatbastards they undoubtedly are.

I was recently directed to this post on the free speech blog which highlights the Olympics organisers’ attempts to control how people link to their website. That’s right, how people link to the Olympics website from their own sites.

In particular:

You may create your own link to the Site, provided that your link is in a text-only format. You may not use any link to the Site as a method of creating an unauthorised association between an organisation, business, goods or services and London 2012, and agree that no such link shall portray us or any other official London 2012 organisations (or our or their activities, products or services) in a false, misleading, derogatory or otherwise objectionable manner. The use of our logo or any other Olympic or London 2012 Mark(s) as a link to the Site is not permitted.

Well I say EFF THAT and EFF YOU, LONDON 2012. I ain’t gonna play by your rules!

olimpics is for benders

How do you like them apples?

30 Before 30

Today I am having a birthday. Hooray!

I am literally 29 years old. Oh no!

To ensure the transition into my thirties causes as little anguish as possible, I have come up with a list of 30 things to do before I hit the Big Three Oh.

I spent the last year compiling this list and will spend the next year ticking things off it. Here it is for your viewing pleasure:

  1. Throw a molotov cocktail
  2. Obtain and wear a dooo-rag (this is the correct spelling, I checked)
  3. Black up
  4. Travel 5 miles on a Kalamazoo (up and down train car thing)
  5. Drive a Zamboni
  6. Go on a weighbridge. In Weybridge.
  7. Time travel and use this ability for Good (ref: China time travel ban)
  8. Win a fight and/or Royal Rumble
  9. Avert a disaster by reversing the polarity of something
  10. Illustrate a point by pointing to a black man and saying “this guy knows what I’m talking about”
  11. Kick a door in
  12. Do 180mph on the Autobahn
  13. Become amphibious
  14. Impress on my F1 debut
  15. Buy and fill a sticker album (not football)
  16. Learn the firetuba (ref: Covent Garden)
  17. Light a Cuban cigar with a $100 bill
  18. Smash up a pub
  19. Obtain a gold bar
  20. Do the perfect sneeze
  21. Tie someone’s shoelaces together without them knowing
  22. Join the Blue Man Group
  23. Call a lion a prick
  24. Make a citizen’s arrest
  25. Achieve enlightenment OR eat five scotch eggs in one sitting
  26. Be an extra in ‘Allo ‘Allo
  27. Get the Bumatron 8000 to market
  28. Get knifefighting into the Olympics
  29. Win Knightmare
  30. Do a motorbike stoppie

I see no reason why I shouldn’t be able to achieve all of these. I will post my success stories on this blog.