Today I am having a birthday. Hooray!
I am literally 29 years old. Oh no!
To ensure the transition into my thirties causes as little anguish as possible, I have come up with a list of 30 things to do before I hit the Big Three Oh.
I spent the last year compiling this list and will spend the next year ticking things off it. Here it is for your viewing pleasure:
- Throw a molotov cocktail
- Obtain and wear a dooo-rag (this is the correct spelling, I checked)
- Black up
- Travel 5 miles on a Kalamazoo (up and down train car thing)
- Drive a Zamboni
- Go on a weighbridge. In Weybridge.
- Time travel and use this ability for Good (ref: China time travel ban)
- Win a fight and/or Royal Rumble
- Avert a disaster by reversing the polarity of something
- Illustrate a point by pointing to a black man and saying “this guy knows what I’m talking about”
- Kick a door in
- Do 180mph on the Autobahn
- Become amphibious
- Impress on my F1 debut
- Buy and fill a sticker album (not football)
- Learn the firetuba (ref: Covent Garden)
- Light a Cuban cigar with a $100 bill
- Smash up a pub
- Obtain a gold bar
- Do the perfect sneeze
- Tie someone’s shoelaces together without them knowing
- Join the Blue Man Group
- Call a lion a prick
- Make a citizen’s arrest
- Achieve enlightenment OR eat five scotch eggs in one sitting
- Be an extra in ‘Allo ‘Allo
- Get the Bumatron 8000 to market
- Get knifefighting into the Olympics
- Win Knightmare
- Do a motorbike stoppie
I see no reason why I shouldn’t be able to achieve all of these. I will post my success stories on this blog.