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30 Before 30

Today I am having a birthday. Hooray!

I am literally 29 years old. Oh no!

To ensure the transition into my thirties causes as little anguish as possible, I have come up with a list of 30 things to do before I hit the Big Three Oh.

I spent the last year compiling this list and will spend the next year ticking things off it. Here it is for your viewing pleasure:

  1. Throw a molotov cocktail
  2. Obtain and wear a dooo-rag (this is the correct spelling, I checked)
  3. Black up
  4. Travel 5 miles on a Kalamazoo (up and down train car thing)
  5. Drive a Zamboni
  6. Go on a weighbridge. In Weybridge.
  7. Time travel and use this ability for Good (ref: China time travel ban)
  8. Win a fight and/or Royal Rumble
  9. Avert a disaster by reversing the polarity of something
  10. Illustrate a point by pointing to a black man and saying “this guy knows what I’m talking about”
  11. Kick a door in
  12. Do 180mph on the Autobahn
  13. Become amphibious
  14. Impress on my F1 debut
  15. Buy and fill a sticker album (not football)
  16. Learn the firetuba (ref: Covent Garden)
  17. Light a Cuban cigar with a $100 bill
  18. Smash up a pub
  19. Obtain a gold bar
  20. Do the perfect sneeze
  21. Tie someone’s shoelaces together without them knowing
  22. Join the Blue Man Group
  23. Call a lion a prick
  24. Make a citizen’s arrest
  25. Achieve enlightenment OR eat five scotch eggs in one sitting
  26. Be an extra in ‘Allo ‘Allo
  27. Get the Bumatron 8000 to market
  28. Get knifefighting into the Olympics
  29. Win Knightmare
  30. Do a motorbike stoppie

I see no reason why I shouldn’t be able to achieve all of these. I will post my success stories on this blog.